How Yoga Made Me Aware of My Mortality

There are some days I miss the freedom of youth.  You know, back when you weren't responsible for anyone but yourself, you didn't have as many bills, you weren't afraid of permanent physical damage because, well, you're young and nothing would ever happen to you that you couldn't bounce back from.

I'm not sure what age this goes away, but I'm in my later 20's and it's definitely gone.  At some point I became scared of things because I realized I can really screw myself up.  We'll talk about the physical side of that today.

So I haven't been in great shape for a while.  Things went slowly downhill in college, but grad school did me in, especially once I got a full-time, sedentary job.  It came on quick, and I've been struggling with it ever since.

In a new attempt to rope this in, Scott and I joined the local Rec Center and started taking classes.  Scott knew he'd like spin classes and he's stuck with it.  I, on the other hand, have to find my niche with the classes.  So the first one I signed up for was Yoga.  This is a brief excerpt of what ran through my mind throughout the first and only class I took:

Ohhhh crap.  Everyone in here is already skinny.  I'm in trouble.

Lady next to me: "Have you taken Yoga before?"

Me: "Not here.  I took a class in college, er, several years ago."

Lady: "Oh ok.  Well, it's addicting!  But it will kick your tail."

Me: Well, sh--.  "Oh yeah?  Well, good.  Obviously I need it!  ha ha." *Whimper*

About 30 minutes in.

OMG!  My knees can't take it anymore!

Instructor: And now we go from baby cobra to plank.

*CRUNCH* Was that my back?  Oh God, I think that was my back.  Quick, move something so you know you're not paralyzed.

Instructor: Come on!  You can do it! And push ups 1.2.3.

Sweet mercy, she's talking about me.  Get it together.  Just plank until we move on. Ow ow!  Ok, not plank.  Just do child's pose until it's time to go.

Never before have I felt like my body failed me.  And this is coming from someone who had a C-section.  I seriously can't remember another time that I felt like I couldn't move my body the way I needed it to.  It's such a weird feeling!  Up until now, it may have not moved exactly how I wanted it to, but I knew it was simply a matter of working up to it and that after a few weeks of a class like this, I'd be able to do it.  This felt completely different.  This feeling made me realize that my body can't do everything I want it to do....like live forever.


But that's ok, there are other confidence-building classes....like ZUMBA.  I've heard great things about Zumba!  Everyone says it's fun and the time flies by.

Well, they were right about fun, but time slows down when you're butchering dance moves in front of an instructor and 5 other women.  The fun part was feeling like this during the class...

Even though I know I really looked like this...

The trick is not to look in the mirror.

Still trying to work in a pilates class one day.  In the end I think running is my best bet.